she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
