never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
