I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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