How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
