help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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