Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
