My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
