He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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