Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
