Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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