What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
