The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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