I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
