i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
