I'm going to jail i love you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
