we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm always down for nudity.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
