last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
