New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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