She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
