A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
