He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
