420 ftw
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
