I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
