Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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