Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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