I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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