is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
