This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want to fling myself into the sun
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
