she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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