Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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