They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
