It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
