I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
