So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
