You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
