But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
