The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
