okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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