sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
