my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
