It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
