On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
