Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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