dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
