Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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