Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just cut my nipple shaving
You smell like stripper and shame
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
