when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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