i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
