Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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