When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
