plz talk dirty to me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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