I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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